yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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