Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
