How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
