How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
