If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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