the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
