you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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