Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
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