What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
