Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
