The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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