is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
