We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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