He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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