i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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