I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
