I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
