I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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