I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
