david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
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