Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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