you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
