stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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