All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
