The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
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