Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
