Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
