remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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