absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
