The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
