Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
