I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Fuck appropriateness.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
