so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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