Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
