Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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