The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
