Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
