You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
