he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
