my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I got her a Nickelback box set.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Randomize
