Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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