moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Randomize
