PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
