so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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