why didn't you poke me back
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
