I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
