I CAN MOONWALK!
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
