We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
