I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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