Sry I called you an 8
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.