I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
