Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.