New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
She's like a pop up book from hell.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.