no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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