my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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