addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Randomize
