AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
