I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
it was like having sex with a tree stump
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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