if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
