I'm drive I can fine osifer
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
