so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
