Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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