'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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