I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Randomize
