this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
