Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
your room smells of hookers.
And success
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
