Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
