Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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