just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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