You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
