"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
