Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
