dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
