you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
