There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
