Small penises have feelings too.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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