College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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