OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
