I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
