I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
